How to teach households to respect your work
Insults will not help grief, so let's teach others to respect your work.
The reasons why households do not appreciate your work:
- Little empathy
People are different. Some people feel well (your state of health, mood, emotional state, they can put themselves in your place). Others are fixated on themselves, their problems, tasks, health, they have no time to empathize. So you have to chew everything up, snapping your fingers in front of your eyes: “Hey, hello, I'm here, and I feel bad!”
- We devalue the efforts of others.
There is a rule of family life, where everyone by default considers his business more complicated and difficult, because he knows more about him. That is why we unwittingly devalue the efforts and contributions of others. A few examples. The husband complains that he is tired after work, and you, sitting on maternity leave, answer: "And I, apparently, was at the resort." My husband bought the products on the list. You take them silently or reproach: "Again, the wrong bread took." The mother-in-law feeds her grandson, but it seems to you that she does everything wrong: she reads the wrong tale, she did not cut the cucumber, gave a lot of pasta, but what if there is constipation? The son fed the fish and spilled the food.You scolded him for his carelessness.
As a result, households have a feeling that you do not please. Unfortunately, many hostesses behave this way because their own undervaluedness and non-recognition hurts. Well, of course, the devaluation of the efforts of the household does not help to cope with the task. On the contrary, your “sour mine” pushes everyone away, and aggressive attacks frighten. Therefore, homeworkers either hide their heads in the sand (close up in a room, sit at a computer / with a smartphone), or run off (walk late, do not sleep at home, etc.).
- Taking in a lot of work
In family life, there are no truly male or truly female affairs. Unless except for the most severe, which women are contraindicated, and physiologically female - the birth of a child and breastfeeding. Following the ancient traditions of disorienting women on what they should do first, second, third, fifth, one hundred and fifth, and let her husband rest after work. The more you burden yourself with business, ignore delegation, the less household members will appreciate your work, perceiving inequality as a matter of course.
What to do?
- Learning to appreciate the work of others
It is better to start with the elimination of the second reason - devaluation of the labor of others. Even if it seems to you that others do less than you, yet they are entitled to praise. And to praise is not difficult at all, right? To acknowledge the contributions of the household, to appreciate them, to thank for the deeds — this is what helps others understand that they are recognized. It enhances their self-esteem and emotionally binds to you.
“Dear, thank you for working and providing the whole family,” “Thank you for standing in traffic jams for us bravely,” “Thank you for buying the grapes, only in the morning I dreamed about it.”
“Olga Ivanovna, what would you do without you? You are so good at helping us with our son, ”“ Thank you for falling off and coming to sit with your child despite flying far away, ”“ Thank you for suggesting how to stop your daughter’s hysteria. ”
“Son, thank you for feeding the fish. Nothing that spilled food. Here is a rag, please wipe ”,“ Masha, are you ready to tidy up the toys? Well, please, clean it yourself, I am very tired. " And after some time: "Thank you for your independence."
When a person feels that his contribution is appreciated, it will be easier for him to see your contribution. And then it's time to move on to eliminate the first cause.
- Develop empathy
We value ourselves and do not forget to talk about our feelings and well-being.It is desirable after the praise of the labor of others. "I'm so tired today. Did this, this, this and this. It turned out, it is not quite. Maybe you'll tell me something? How do you do it? ”
- Show the amount of work
To do this, you can use the "Leaf" method. We take a small piece of paper, write on it the things that you need to do during the day, hang it on the fridge. Demonstratively delete cases that are done. The next day, we take a larger sheet (notebook) and perform the same actions. Then we take a sheet of A4 format and fill it. On the sheet we list what we really do. Not just “vacuumed up”, but “vacuumed out the hall”, “vacuumed out the bedroom”, not just “cleaned up”, but “cleaned up the toys in the hall”, “dismantled the rubble on the computer desk”, “took it off the dryer and spread the laundry on the shelves”. If we washed the dishes three times a day, we write: “I washed the dishes”, “I washed the dishes”, “I washed the dishes”.
- "Ask, and it will be given to you" (c)
Feel free to ask. This in no way characterizes you as a lazy, but rather elevates in the eyes of others. Why? Because others see that you respect yourself, you do not fall into a state of sacrifice: “I owe everything to everyone.I'll plow until I collapse. "
Asking for something, we outline the perspective:
“Dear, can you walk with your child now?” He will then sleep better. No, I can't, I fry the chicken. ”
"Daughter, help, please, the youngest with mathematics, and then we will have time to go to the rink."
"Dear, my, please, take a plate after breakfast and wipe the crumbs, then my son and I will be pleased to enter the kitchen."
- Fair distribution of responsibilities
Family is a well-established multi-functional enterprise. It is a good tradition to honestly distribute responsibilities among all family members who live with you. Both the smallest and the oldest should have responsibilities. For example, a three-year-old can be charged to turn on the lights in the room, put her dishes in the sink, remove the toys before bedtime “in the apartments” - the drawers, shift the washed clothes from the washer into the washbasin, and so on. By the way, the sooner the child has feasible duties, the better he will appreciate your work. The same applies to other family members: the more household duties they have, the sooner they will understand the burden of the labor of others, plus it gives an additional bonus of interchangeability. For example, putting a child to bed, washing the floor, cooking everything should be able to.You never know where you need to go. Also, duties defuse the situation. Everyone is busy, there is no time to clash. After all, everyone knows their work front.
How to distribute responsibilities?
- act not aggressively
Let's leave the attacks like: "You always shed soup, now my floor is everywhere." Duties should not be a punishment, but be perceived as a necessity, without which there is nowhere.
- set mode
In carrying out affairs desirable mode. It helps all family members to organize themselves and understand the seriousness of your intentions.
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