How to understand what else you love?
Sometimes it is difficult for us to understand our own feelings, especially in love relationships. Often we do not appreciate the relationship with a person, and after breaking up, we understand that we still love him. Often, parting becomes the catalyst for a new peak of lost feelings. How to understand that you still love a person after parting? Let's try to figure it out.
Who is to blame and what to do?
First of all, immediately after the break you need to give yourself time to think about the situation and relationships. The main thing - do not flog a fever, think over their future behavior. Often couples who survived the gap reunite in the coming days, simply talking heart to heart and apologizing to each other. Your goal in the first days after breaking up is to decide in private with yourself whether it is really necessary to end the relationship, or what happened, was stupidity and a vain surge of emotions.
However, it is necessary to comprehend whether to put up. At the same time, it is necessary to consider not the conflict that led directly to the separation, but all relations in general.Moreover, the often negligible reason for a break may indicate serious problems in the relationship.
The main thing - do not forget that parting can not be to blame for someone alone. Responsibility for the relationship is always borne by both partners. Therefore, do not shift all the blame on your partner, think better about what mistakes you made so as not to repeat them in the future with the same or by another person.
The main thing - do not step on the same rake. Even if he himself was the initiator of the separation and the reason was valid, still sometimes he begins to suffer for the loss of happiness.
We must not forget that the relationship between a man and a woman can not consist of some positive moments, as well as of a continuous negative. Memories of a collapsed relationship, as a rule, carry both bitterness of insults and pleasant memories. How else? After all, even an aggressive alcoholic, tapping his wife and selling off her things, can gently embrace and give a bouquet of field daisies. Is this a pleasant moment? Of course! (Especially if he is filled with nostalgia about the times when love was born). Is this one moment worth all the grief experienced with this person? Of course not!
It is necessary to try to weigh the pros and cons as cold and healthy as possible, to admit that this man was not only bad, but also good. You should not hide from yourself the fact that you lack his affection, sense of humor or support. We must remember what attracted you to the period of the origin of feelings, and analyze how similar the image of your loved one with the person from whom you left.
It so happens that the difference is practically not observed. The man has not changed, but the circumstances have changed, the environment. For example, a cheerful joker, the soul of a company in a student dormitory, unchanged after 10 years, turns out to be untenable in family relations, not ready for adulthood, requiring responsibility and seriousness.
Affectionate romantic after a candy-bouquet period slowly turns into a snapper and boor. Often this process occurs gradually and stretches for many years. A woman by inertia continues to love that gentle and caring man, from which, in fact, nothing is left.
In both cases, you must realize that you cannot sacrifice your happiness for the ghosts of past love.The good memories of past relationships, hidden from themselves in the depths of the subconscious, will again and again burst out, causing doubts and feelings of guilt. Here the main thing is not to engage in self-deception, not to convince yourself that you have parted with your beloved, because relationships only brought suffering. On the contrary, it is necessary to accept that there was a lot of good, to realize that the reason for the gap was weighty and you will continue the further way, armed with invaluable experience.
Do not return to the sadist because of a bunch of cornflowers, do not tolerate an alcoholic for his sweet speech, know how to distinguish the important from the secondary. And if the decision to leave was really balanced, do not regret and do not go for the provocation of your own sentiments.
With your loved ones do not leave
Sometimes it is as difficult to realize that you are still loved as you understand that you still love yourself. A great way to figure out for yourself how old relationships were worthwhile is to remember how a partner behaved in stressful situations. Of course, not every couple was saved during the collapse of the liner, but you can certainly remember how you ran into hooligans, missed the last train or came under hail.The behavior during such small stresses characterizes the personal qualities of a person and his true attitude towards you. If he always showed courage, care and self-sacrifice, behaved with dignity and did not give up at a difficult moment, then it is worth thinking about a second chance for a relationship. After all, often a strong and high-quality union can destroy a sudden surge of emotions or a silly misunderstanding.
Be honest with yourself, appreciate your feelings, do not be afraid to take the first steps, and then you will definitely be able to return your love and save this time. After all, sometimes the end is just the beginning.
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