Who do men marry?
LJ top bloggerDima, a middle-aged Moscow businessman, a middle-aged forty-six years old, looks unremarkable (a sort of classic good Jewish boy), a womanizer and, sorry for such details, a pervert, is now in the active stage of divorce. Whether the seventh, or the eighth in my memory. And we are familiar ... ten years, not more. For these years I do not recall a single marriage that lasted more than three or four months. True, he says that he lived with his first wife as much as four years ... But only his parents presented Dima their first wife, and with a threat: try, child, do not get married ...
The good boy Dima did not dare to disobey the authoritarian ancestors (given the character of the mother, it is not surprising, it is easier to get out with your bare hands against the tank), he gave birth to a girl, and then, finally getting to his feet, divorced.
Since then, his life - incessant groundhog day. Marriage is a divorce, marriage is a divorce, marriage is a divorce ... And the problem is not that women are fleeing him, no. To run away from Dima is simply impossible.This slightly round-shouldered, dark-eyed brunette surrounds with attention and care, manages to create around the halo of love and the "mimetry" of worship, which is off scale, and it is practically impossible to break out of this sticky cocoon.
I tried it on my own skin. Suffering from misunderstanding and toxemia, sniffing a red nose and continuously sobbing, I told him what kind of reptile I had Dear and Darling I got ... After a few hours, Dimochka carefully prodded my swift eyes at our editorial office in a hurry march and, much to the dismay of the chief editor, with lamentations, he tried to feed a super-deli yogurt with screams: “Stop crying, it's bad for you!”
You understand that only an absolute fool would refuse such a man. Even if you take into account his terrible pedantry and love of order (although is this a drawback?).
But what makes him run with suspicious regularity in the registry office? Moreover, the result of these campaigns is quite predictable: either the next fifochka, which then will have to be attached, or the unfortunate princess, who must necessarily find the next prince!
- Why marry, if you still divorce anyway? - I often asked Dimka, but in return I always received an indefinite shrug of the shoulders and a vague one:
- Well, so ... it turns out!
Only once did he honestly confess:
- I want a house, family, comfort
His warmest memories are about the first wife, who, despite her youth, was focused on this most notorious house and cosiness, the worst - about the second. The first one was a little bit kosovata and clumsy, the second one looked amazing in those times ... But it had the calling of an actress, and her life was full of bohemian simplicity!
Result? For many years, Dima, though partially, but matured to create a family, makes the same mistake, chooses women who do not need a family. My husband needs me, but my family does not.
However, I knowingly noted: partially matured. Dima needs a wife, not a family. He needs the one that will create him comfort and coziness. In return, she will receive a cocoon of adoration, the solution of financial difficulties and ... everything. Understanding or any other beautiful and subtle manifestations of intimacy will not. He is responsive, open, friendly ... but all this is standard! And the same for all female persons who are in the circle of his interest.
By the way, on this far from a positive note, you can end the story by making a quite logical and correct conclusion.
Modern men, not placed in the strict framework of the need for marriage as early as possible in order to provide the family with heirs, make a proposal of the hand and heart sincerely only when psychologically they mature
The problem is that this psychological ripening occurs at all at different ages. There are probably individuals who are ready to take responsibility quite consciously even at twenty. And there are those who can not walk in fifty at the same time, while translating the postulates to society, that there are no women worthy of the wedding ring, only greedy and vile devourers of money ... (I can not help but sigh, oh, they would have had these days notorious in the quantities that are not ashamed to hunt ... oh well.)
You can finish it. But we still have the second part of the question open: who are these unique persons who are finally ripe for the family?
I urgently interviewed four buddies living in a marriage long and happy. I expected to get answers like "I got married because I was beautiful," "Because I love," but what else is it?
Oddly enough, all four answered almost the same:
- I understood that a normal family would turn out with us.
Everyone came to this conclusion in different ways.
“My boyfriend,” husband Vitaly described his wife. Vitalke - thirty seven. He plows like Carlo's dad, earning both his brain and his hands. “To my boyfriend” - twenty nine. She looks like a guy in the same way that Dolph Lundgren looks like a Spanish ballerina. In "her boyfriend" blonde curls up to the priests, tiny growth and squeaky voice. If someone dares to threaten the interests of her Vitalik, she will bite him, tear, swallow and bones will not spit out. “With her, in fact, became“ my home is my fortress, ”boasted a happy husband.
“With her, the house became home,” Andrei answered romantically. He is forty-two, and he has been married for ten years. You know, he has a lot of opportunities to have a dozen lovers, in our provinces, these men are loved and appreciated. And change one old wife to two younger - just spit. And that year he returns home to a woman whose appearance is far from the model and age has crossed the terrible line of the forty-forty. She's older than him for five years!
“I can be myself with Tanka,” Vladik admitted (he is thirty-four).
- It's good for me. Cozy.Immediately I understood: I wouldn’t find it better, I’d have to grab, ”said Peter Vasilyevich, the“ oldest ”of all those polled, sparingly complimented. He is afraid to say - fifty-six. And he is married neither much nor little thirty-four years. Impressive?
Noticed one ma-a-scarlet feature? None of them talked about great and bright love, but all the answers just shouted: it was with her that I felt comfortable, well and comfortably.
Men, even matured, even accepted their responsibility for loved ones as a given, they are still children. Big kids. They are looking for the one with which they will be psychologically comfortable. The one that will be close to them in spirit, mind, level. The one that is itself mature enough and responsibly refers to the idea of the family, and not just cohabitation.
This, by the way, has long been known. No wonder women's magazines are full of advice on the topic "How to make a man marry if he is not ready for marriage." The problem is that these tips are reduced to only one thing - create the appearance of readiness. Your readiness. So that he finally understood and urgently matured.
Determine what is necessary for your chosen one, and give it to him - advises a lady's gloss. Stupidity. They will not lead to anything good, only to their own burnout and disappointment.
For a snack I will tell three stories from the series “Identify and Give.”
Maya, quite such a successful artist, who worked on the development of prints for children's clothes, got to know one of the customers closely. The young man, the owner of the children's brand, with reverent affection, treated his nephews.
Their romance lasted more than two years, but there were no offers of hands and hearts. And then Maya decided on a very sneaky move. Well, as decided - advised on a well-known ladies' forum. I stopped drinking pills, and in a few months I announced: voila, dear, you will soon become a dad
Dear blushed and turned pale, squeezing out of himself: "Well, la-aa-adno, if you do not want an abortion, then went to the registrar." Maya was happy, sure that everything would work out. Divorce, as usual, was not far off. The young spouse did not want to be a spouse at all, and love for children — in his case for nephews — did not guarantee, as it turned out, complete and absolute love for children. His own baby annoyed him ...
Or here is Sveta, my age. After four years of “relationship,” I understood: now or never. To her, this "married" was a damn, roughly speaking. Family life is not deceived by the word "absolutely."But relatives tragically whispered asked “when?” Every time she saw Svetka with a knight, and that poor girl threw herself at the embrasure.
She moved to the bachelor housing, cleaned it and licked it (although she believed that the dust was no longer visible throughout her life if she simply drew the black curtains), she got up to the stove with desperate courage, ruining the beauty in the field of the struggle for high-calorie dinners ...
Comrade man ... Well, I bought a man, that really here. Guys, they are like children. They are well, comfortable, and to hell with him that he did not want to marry for four years, but for borscht, yes, with buns, and with garlic ...
In general, they were divorced six months later, throwing slippers and tomatoes at each other.
- Slut and lazy! Shouted a muzhka caught up on borscht and socks.
- Lazy and satrap! - Svetka yelled, indignant at the fact that the bride-to-be-buttered didn't change her at the stove even after stamping passports.
The hardest of all was Anne, the mommy of the prettiest fat babe. We agreed with her, walking the younger generation. Anna is in her early thirties, and thanks to her marriage, she has no interests of her own. Friends, girlfriends, by the way, also left.
She bought into the council to feel the life of the future spouse.Become a vest, a pillow, a psychiatrist and a confessor in one person. Do not burden your own problems and concerns.
Do I have to add that very soon hatred came to the place of love and now Anya lives with the thought: a little more and divorce? And his wife Anina, incidentally, is not so bad with her living. On her proposals to discuss everything and change something, he makes great eyes:
- Honey, but we are all good!
It would be bad, so. Marriage, he, in fact, was not needed. He found for himself an outlet that is always there, and why should she (this outlet) be lost?
I am a bad publicist and journalist. Probably, I had to write a list of exact signs by which one can determine whether a man is marrying or not. And the actions that are necessary in order for him to marry precisely the one who wants to marry him.
But, watching my friends and friends, having run down to the registry office more than once, I will honestly say: there are no exact signs and there are no proven ways. Those that lead to marriage, which is not on earth, but in heaven. In which you can live all your life long and happily and die in one day, just like in a fairy tale.
Fairy tale, it is for that is a fairy tale.
Life is much more complicated and much easier.More difficult, because the only reasonable criterion, no matter how sad and primitive it may sound, is the psychological maturity and compatibility of partners. Easier - because the prince in real life is not intended scenario, you can choose.
If suddenly the chosen one is “not ready” all the time, then you shouldn’t break yourself for the sake of it, nobody will appreciate such a sacrifice. Will, but not appreciate. And its price will be too high.
And wait for this "unprepared" is also not worth it. It only seems that men are few. In fact, enough for all comers.
Many will be indignant and will strongly remind: what compatibility, what psychology, because there is love! And I even agree with this: love, yes, there is. But love is love, but you always want to eat. Sooner or later it ends with a loud scandal, if one or even both participants of the lava story have stopped at the starting point of "love". Believe me, when they say that marriage is not only love, but work, hard, daily, not only home, but also on yourself, it's true. On one love you will not go far ...
Therefore, if you just want to "get married", you can grab anyone by using the tips of a woman's gloss.There are a lot of infantile ones led to primitive manners. They are easy to take - not whining, so skating.
And if you want a family ... It's harder. Oh, much harder.
Shl. Now, when she finished this sheet, she decided to find out what had made Dorogo to marry me. I shook (two in the morning, by the way). I asked.
"You are merry," the villain replied and added: "You will not let me sleep, I'll divorce."
I hope this phrase speaks only about our wonderful and one for two sense of humor.[/L_REPEAT]
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