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Why do we pull on the bad guys

Emotional inaccessibility

Nature has given women tremendous altruism, where pity and compassion are standard manifestations of the savior syndrome. It is women who are able to be touched by photos with kittens, to sympathize and instantly “enter” into the position of complete strangers and, naturally, to trust men because of emotional openness. Outwardly, the cutest type could not apply any forces, and she immediately decides that he must be “saved”. All the rest of the poor thing is quite capable of thinking through herself - for example, that just before that no one ever truly loved him, because his heart is so callous. She believes that she needs to demonstrate love, care and tenderness, and at once Kay's ice in her chest will thaw, and there will be no limits to his gratitude. Yes, but this belief is contrived by anyone but the woman herself, and is not needed.

Contrast effect

As a child, pink pea grew in care and care, in unconditional love. And if mother protected herself from the outside world and defended from all misfortunes,then the girl at the time of growing up is very ignorant of the fact that there are not only white but also black in the world. And then the bad Vasya turned up at the meeting, and the girl found out that you can live very, very fun and do what her mother forbade to do!

Why do we pull on the bad guys

The effect of contrasts works like a magnet, if the child was not simply not taught, but deliberately fenced off from "such" life without comment: just an attempt to step aside - and silently attack-on hands. The forbidden fruit was sweet at all times, and therefore the grown daughter can easily stick to the scoundrels, because they are mysterious and completely different.

Emotional tyranny

Another reason why women may fall pathologically in love with the bad guys is their own life example in the form of parental relationships. Mom could say anything, but her messages would not necessarily reach the addressee, if the pope allowed himself crazy behavior, and in the house there were often squabbles on high tones and quarrels with vivid clarifications of the relationship. That child will grow up with a perverted concept of the norm of relations and will create its own social unit just like its parents.

Wrong installation

Considerable guilt can also be considered the parental slip in the formation of the girl's wrong life attitudes, which are rooted in the Soviet past and are called the "women's share". The female share really was - this is a historical phenomenon. The beginning of a difficult female fate was laid by the war, which simply wiped out men from the ranks of human balance created by nature. Those who survived, but at least without arms and legs, the scythe-lame, literally became worth their weight in gold. Well, if two peasants in the village - there is someone to fight for. That's who the life of an old maiden to live? Proud lonely can and should now be known, but not in times when hot soup from under the nose of the last bearded man was taken away. It was the war that taught women to be tolerant, pliable and plasticine, to forgive drunkenness, beatings, and at the same time greedy glances to the left for Galka, who is still free, a pretty neighbor.

Men literally idolized - just for being male. And the cut of the generation of great-grandmothers brought up their daughters in obedience, the need to honor their husband, not to contradict and endure. And then the concept of “she and her husband were just lucky” really worked: if the fartan- A husband is efficient and rough, you are already lucky. And if it's not lucky - just be patient, and then he will not leave the family. And now many girls are brought up on the theory of a rubber patient, when mother assured that men are all like that and this is the norm!

Low self-esteem

And perhaps the last reason, but no less important and frequent is the banal low self-esteem of a woman who is sure that no one will love her as she is. He will accumulate complexes and shortcomings in himself, starting from a small chest and crooked nose, ending with a terrible character and bad taste, and automatically form a list of arguments in defense of the boorish behavior of his chosen one. And it will be holy to believe that she does not shine otherwise, and if she refuses to, she will live forever with thirty cats forever. And even though with a man - thank you, that from the floor and let the dust wipe off.

Why do we pull on the bad guys

The assurance that women can only be loved for something specific: for success, achievement and even an apartment - that for the love of a man you have to fight and what you can get in return only when she herself has proved and given everything, just leads to a pathological and permanent choice of the wrong men.And often the rake stops on the forehead only after the second, and even the third unsuccessful marriage, only if the woman herself does not consider it necessary to finally get rid of complexes and stereotypes and change her attitudes.


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